"If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it."
Zora Neale Hurston (via bicyclethieves)
For me, it’s easier to go through life knowing that I was able to put a smile on someone’s face. Not that I was the reason they’re sad or upset. I never understood how some people are satisfied knowing they intentionally hurt someone. "No one can draw a clear line between sane and insane. You move that line as you see fit for yourself… no one else can. Is there an indelible line dividing sanity from insanity?… or do they change one into the other at the slightest change of events? We’ll find out soon enough… if the world itself… is insane."
Cowboy Bebop (via curr3ncy)
I had THE worst dream EVER! In the dream, I was a Gigolo (don’t judge me) but the client was…gross…but she had a lot of money. To make a scaring story short, I remember everything about that dream. Everything. The things I felt, the things I smelled, just…everything… It was fucking scary. First nightmare I’ve had in a while. The scary part was; it felt so real 0_0.. — Lol, no one understands how lonely I truly am.
Some days I think it’s my fault because at times, I can be a self-centered dickhead. Then there’s the days where I feel like I legitimately try my hardest to do right by people, but, it’s always taken for granted. Like the only time my “friends” hit me up is when there’s nobody else to chill with, or if I have something they need. When I hit them up, I’m either utterly ignored or given false hope because 9 times out of 10, they flake. I recognize my flaws, and I truly am trying to correct them, but nobody’s perfect. And that wasn’t an excuse for my behavior, it’s just a fact. It’s just…I’m really tired of being my only friend. — The loneliness is what kills me.
No matter where I go, there’s always this feeling of being by myself. I’m on the bus, doesn’t matter if I’m sitting with someone, I just feel alone. Lying down watching a movie, walking my dog, even at a party, whatever it is, it’s just always this constant feeling of loneliness. And truthfully, it sucks. It’s like there’s a cloud following me around and it just mutes and blocks everyone and everything around me. Like the fog world in Silent Hill, its just you, and you; alone usually. I smile and act like everything’s “all good”, but, it’s not. And I wish it was. This ‘feeling’ is becoming unbearable and I just want to get rid of it. It’s been around forever now that I think about it, but as a kid, it never bugged me. I was always “in my own world” as the people around me described it, but as of late, I want to leave and join the rest of you. I don’t want to be alone anymore… |
